Still washing the residues of my heifer encounter from my memory. Now only occasionally when I close my eyes am I taken back to that moment, one which very quickly will be nothing more than a footnote of the life which is my own.
The Jap hasn't been in contact. The slim chance that she would have forgiven me for my lack of contact and responded to my recent text is all but at an end. Fair dues, couldn't really expect anything more really. Great memory to have though, and I truly wish her well, but I think that's a number that can leave my phone in the near future.
Nothing from BustyQueen too, not even the slightest bit of a nose. It was worth a try, but again like all the others where messages went out over the last week, not a dicky bird. Even those angels on FP ,women that could have been a lot more… hey getting all sentimental there for a moment. You've just come out of a relationship mate; another so soon really isn't the name of the game, even if those two women spoke volumes to me without saying a word.
And then onto the Little One, she's in pain, not just from our break-up, although that is a major one, but also from a death in the family. She had a go in a text saying that even though she said she was feeling low I didn't reach out and show any sense of understanding and loving. I thought ending a relationship was about bringing all that to an end. That's the short answer of course; life is a lot more complicated than that. But when we finished she did say she didn't want to be friends or anything, something which I have tried to maintain with my last few, and that she just wanted to call it a day and end it. Texting me saying your hurting surely isn't that. I know I have my problems with empathy and understanding, that is a given, and something which is an on going project, but giving mixed messages is a fucker. Then I get a text having a little pop at that and telling me her relative died, I send one back saying I'm really sorry and I'm here if you need anything blah blah. I then get another full of vitriol saying I've got no idea of how to have a relationship and I never loved her and all the rest of it. All I could think of was "bitch", I understand that you are hurt about both things, but being nasty isn't going to achieve anything. Especially for someone who is so the opposite of that, i.e. me. But I really felt like having a go back at here, laying the reality of what has happened in terms of my past relationships and all the rest of it. But really what the fuck is the point?
Before all of this, I was actually going to put a mail together telling her what she meant in my life, but if someone's got it on your mind, your bastard, then you are one. It's a tag I was struggling with for a while, and for the last 7 years or so , I was doing pretty well. I was into my second serious relationship where I had been faithful, and the idea of not, wasn't in my head. But then she shows up, and bam, I revert to the cunt that I was. Sleeping around, eluding the truth. I didn't plan any of it. Granted I wasn't happy in my relationship, and I was on the road to ending it, but what happened between me and her wasn't on the agenda. And then all of a sudden, I’m the bad guy again. It doesn't so much hurt, but when people think they listen to you, and understand the person you are, take that and eschew it to meet their own idea of what you are, that is fucking annoying. And to be honest that it was what I am. Fucking Annoyed. But the grown up thing is just to try and let it go. What do you reckon?